For someone who spent most of my childhood and teens chatting back to my parents and always wanting the last word, it was not surprising that I entered adulthood very argumentative. As I write this I remember people saying “there is no point arguing with Sibon because you will never win.” And it was so. I had to have the last word! I was very proud and stubborn to hear other people’s arguments and opinions. It is something I am still working on to change completely but I have improved a lot, I tell you. I now have become tired of arguing. I don’t like it and avoid conversations, people and situations where I anticipate a foolish argument will arise. If I end up in one, I end it quickly.
A part from being argumentative, I was also a justifier. Whenever I was challenged about something or a comment was made about me, I would justify myself to prove them wrong, but I failed every time. I ended up looking bad and made no sense to others. Fed up with justifying my actions, whereabouts and decisions, I spoke to someone who told me the following, “justifying yourself is a waste of time. When you do so, you end up losing out because God cannot justify you when you are trying to do it yourself.” When I started thinking about what she said it made sense and I started to practice what I was told.
Now, whenever I back down and keep quiet in a disagreement or when a person has a negative perception about me and openly expresses it to others and I keep my mouth shut, two things happen; they later come back to me and apologise for judging and jumping to conclusions about me or God creates a situation for the person (and others) to see that what they thought about me was not true.
It has been a rocky journey (without a lot of misunderstandings) and I am learning a lot about the power of silence in certain situations, but now I adopt these three attitudes:
HENRY FORD is reputed as having said, NEVER COMPLAIN - NEVER EXPLAIN. I have always loved the saying which you quoted above about BETTER TO REMAIN SILENT AND BE THOUGHT A FOOL THAN TO SPEAK AND REMOVE ALL DOUBT. I understand what you are talking about in learning to stop justifying yourself. Those who understand you don't need you to do so, and those who don't understand you won't understand anyway, so it's wasted energy. When you beoome secure enough within yourself to not need someone else's approval of your actions, especially of your values, you know you are becoming a pretty secure and healthy person.
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