Domestic Violence Survivor - Ana (part two)

I tried to leave him many times but the children would cry and I didn't want me to leave them alone with their dad. I couldn't do anything legally concerning my partner’s children because we were not married. This situation went on for 10 years and was getting worse by the day. It got so bad to the point that he would beat me. Of course I would always defend myself and because I did, it got worse every time.

 One night he arrived home at 3 am after pulling a double shift at work and started a fight with me. I tried to ignore him but it didn't work. He pulled me out of the bed and started to push me around the master bedroom picking a fight. It got to the point he punched me so hard and threw me on the bed and forced himself on me. I pulled him away but I couldn't because he was so much bigger than me. He raped me, beat me so hard and said he wanted to kill me. I put up a struggle, he flipped me on my belly and was strangling me to the point I could actually hear my neck starting to crack. I was able to scream at one point and the girls heard most of what was going on. My little girl who was 6 years old at the time, walked in the bedroom and screamed, “Daddy stop it, you are hurting mommy”. He then stopped and realized what he was doing.

That was the breaking point for me. I had enough of all the abuse that was happening throughout the years. I gave him 10 years of my life and did everything for him and the children. I found out from my oldest step son that his father did the same thing to their mother when she was alive. He was just a little boy at the time when it happened to his real mother.

That night I left my partner and my step children who were now 20, 18, and 15 years old. I couldn't bring them with me even though I wanted to, especially my step daughter because she was still a minor at 15 and the boys were adults in college. I moved out with my little girl and started a new life. It was hard and I found it difficult to support both my daughter and I. Depression kicked in and got worse as time went by. Not only was I coming to terms with all the abuse but, I lost my little boy at the age of 5 years old to meningitis. He passed away and a year after my dad died. Things were very difficult for me.

After 5 years of being a single mother through my mother I was reunited with my childhood sweetheart who I dated when I was just 14 years old. We hadn't communicated with each other for 22 years. He was part of a Christian organisation that helps rebuild people’s lives and end their suffering. He would invite me to go with him but I always turned him down. He also showed interest in me but I was afraid to get into another relationship as I was afraid it to would be a failure. He didn't give up on me and we went on a few dates.

As we got to know each again, I was had no clue that he had gone through a very bad divorce but had rebuild his life and was doing very well. As time went by, we started dating and one day out of nowhere, I told him I would attend a seminar with him at the Christian organisation, which is called the Universal Church. He was so surprised. I can still remember his expression today.

It has been almost 4 years since that day and through the help I received I have found inner healing from all the abuse and trauma I faced, I am happily married to my childhood sweetheart and we have been married for three years now. My daughter is now 13 years old and is doing well. I am now using my past to help women who are going through the same thing I went through.