Domestic Violence Survivor - Gemma (part one)

"I was in a relationship with someone that I felt I loved dearly…but the feelings were not mutual. For him, if I talked to anyone of the opposite sex I was cheating; I wasn’t allowed to walk in front of him because I was disrespectful; I was “stupid”, “fat”, “ugly” and the cause of anything that went wrong in his life.

 I worked so hard to please him but it was never good enough. I washed his clothes, made his food, wrote his letters, did his errands and changed myself so much just to fit into his ideal of the perfect girlfriend. I was insecure when I met him and grateful for this relationship. I couldn’t believe someone actually wanted to be with me…and so I didn’t do anything to jeopardise it. However, I jeopardised myself.

After some time he showed himself to be such an angry person. The charming man that I had met a few years before had completely disappeared (and only resurfaced when I would threaten to leave after he pushed me around). He would shove me, swear at me, slam the phone down mid phone call and break up with me repeatedly – as though he would have joy in me begging him to take me back.

At the end of the 4 year relationship, I had lost my identity. I had distanced myself from my friends, I didn’t socialise at all, I had an eating disorder to shed the pounds and I had no idea who I was, where I was going or what I was going to do without him. He had cheated on me and I hated him for it but truly, I also didn’t know what life was without him. I was scared."

To be continued...