Domestic Violence Survivor - Gemma (part two)

"Somehow, I found the strength to overcome my fears and I broke it off. He followed me for a while, emailed me, called me, would stand outside my house…but I ignored him. He would call me wailing that he couldn’t live without me and truthfully hearing him cry was so hard for me but I didn’t give in. Then he would emotionally blackmail me, telling me his life wasn’t worth living – as though he was going to commit suicide. I was afraid. I didn’t want that responsibility on my head. However, I didn’t let his threats change my mind.

 I changed my number, my email address and cut him off completely. It was only after that heartbreak that I truly realised the extent of the oppression I had been under. I had allowed him to dictate what I wore, what I said, who I spoke to and even what I ate. I don’t know how it happened or when it started but it had gotten so out of hand, so quickly. My idea of love was so warped that I thought that those were the sacrifices I had to make to be in a relationship. At first I believe that he thought I would cave in like I always had and go running back to him but this time, something had changed. I kept my resolve. 

As time went by, the pain of that broken relationship got easier to deal with. I was no longer afraid and day by day, I started to realise just how destructive he had been. There were times when I wouldn’t buy certain clothing or speak to certain people and then I would remind myself that I was no longer someone’s puppet.

 For a long time I was closed to any relationship. It took me about 2 years to truly find healing from the wounds that crippled my every thought, feeling and wellbeing. I found help through prayer at the UCKG HelpCentre. Their guidance and support was holistic and it was exactly what I needed to get me through some of the worst moments of my life. I was filled with positive messages and provided with people that would listen to my story without judgment. The meetings, coupled with the prayer, eased my mind and helped me to start finding peace with myself and forgiveness towards him. It has been a journey and it still is. 

My wounds have healed up but the scars are still very evident. I have overcome so much and learned to see myself beyond the negative labels he plastered me with. I am so much stronger now and regained the confidence I lost and then some! However, the emotional damage was the most destructive for me and though I am so different from the abused girl I was all those years ago, sometimes, the effects of that damage appear every now and then. It’s a battle but it is overcoming those battles that make me a survivor. 

For those who have never been through it, I never want you to go through it but for those who have, there is life after abuse."

Gemma Leon

Gemma is a presenter of the Different Kind of Woman TV show and will be co-presenting the Break the Silence, End the Violence live show event this Saturday at 1pm, in North London.