This situation affected me so much, I started living and doing all that I was against, drinking, sex, looking for love online and in the wrong places and depression. I then met a guy who turned out to be very similar to my father, he would abuse me, blame me for his hurtful past and I became so isolated from everyone to the point that he wouldn't let me leave. He would accuse me of cheating with his best friend, who was a girl! He was possessive and a very angry person. I started using various drugs, marijuana, ecstasy and cocaine (which I had always vowed not to after witnessing my dad taking crack cocaine as a child). I wanted to forget about everything that was going on and die if possible by mixing the drugs. I would help him sell the drugs, do things that disgusted me just to please him and this lasted for two years. The relationship made me even more insecure, lonely and suicidal. I eventually got a friend to help me leave him and even then he came after me.
My life was a cycle of hurt, abuse, separation and misery, it seemed like everything I did worked out for the worse! I would always blame myself, put myself down and feel very depressed and alone. Things didn't get any better for my dad either and he was killed in a horrific accident when he was hit by a truck and died aged 39. I then entered into another relationship and became a single mum.
There are so many more stories I could tell you, but what I am sharing here is to show you how my life was until I was 25 and I am sure that so many people have been through similar situations but may not have found the help needed to move forward. Whoever you are no one has the right to abuse you, as a person you are of great value and whatever you have been through there is a way out.
To be continued
Hi Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI have read your story and I can understand the pain and suffering that you have endured through the difficult period of your life, I can also understand the point you are making having now found the happiness and contentment that your faith has afforded you and why you would want to promote your faith. However I feel that the way you have expressed your story comes across as very harsh towards your mother. an example of this is where you have said " I didn't want different men like my mum", A better choice of words might have been " I did not want to go on suffering the way that my mother did in her quest to find love. You have also painted a rather hurtful picture of your mum in part one of your story, which has on reading it has reduced her to tears and whilst I am sure you have not in any way meant this to be hurtful I would respectfully urge you to reconsider the choice of words used whereby you could express your story in a slightly more articulate way that would read less damming towards your mum. Particularly as this has appeared on a social network site namely Facebook. I have tried to point out to your mum that I am very sure that you have not intended your story to be in any way hurtful to her, And is probably an error in the choice of words used. I hope the you will not be offended by my comments but I have just witnessed your mum in tears having read your story on facebook.
Love and kind regards Dave.
Dear Dave,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, I understand and appreciate your suggestions about the way I wrote and concern for my mum. Feel free to call me, you are family.
You are right that my intention would never be to hurt anyone, especially my mum who I love and respect.
The post was not to harm her but to help others who may be going through similar situations, I will indeed revise the way I express myself whilst writing and ensure it doesn't hurt anyone.
I will learn from this and I have communicated directly with my mum.
Sorry for the unintentional upset caused, I have removed the first post from my Facebook page and understand my mum's view.
My sincere apologies and warmest regards,
Lisa Hodgkinson